It is 7:06 AM. I have awaken today feeling uninspired, and that’s never a good thing. The significant other and I fought last night after I finally went to bed. We have differences of opinion as to whether marital partners have "rights" as opposed to "privileges"; but I am trying to counsel myself out of focusing unnecessary energy on my dissatisfaction with my marriage. What’s the use of spending the day thinking about how unhappy I am with my partner? All that will do is what its already doing, depressing me, making me angry; and how can I hope to get the most of my workday if I’m working under the influence of depression and anger. No, I don’t think it’s beneficial to me in any way to focus my mental energy on anything negative and uninspiring.

Today is the 19th. I have 12 days left before the rent is due; but I think I’ll have enough funds between what’s left in my bank accounts and what the hubby will contribute to manage to pay the rent and at least one utility bill.

If I can get through this month I’m hopeful my fortunes will begin to make a positive change and next month I won’t find myself with 12 days to go in the month and no money to show for the work I have done. I use the word "hopeful" but I’m aware that if my fortunes are to change they won’t do so as a result of sitting down and hoping.

My copy of "Trump: Think Like A Billionaire" is on my desk, opened on the section "How to Love Your job". Trump writes:

"Billionaires love their jobs–not because their jobs make them wealthy, but because they wouldn’t have become so wealthy doing something that they hated. You have to love what you’re doing, because then it won’t seem like work to you and you will bring the necessary energy to profit from it. That passion alone will take care of ninety percent of any problems with any job."

Do I love what I’m doing? I suppose I should ask myself that question. I get up every day and follow the same script; but am I ever really excited doing what I do? I have wanted to be a writer since age 11, and I’m doing a great deal of writing every day; but what I love to write are fictional stories and that’s not what I’m doing with my days. On my other websites, excluding this site, I’m mostly writing about things that don’t interest me so I don’t tend to have fun doing it. In fact I often find it tedious. Could that be the reason I’m not making money? Could my lack of passion for what I’m doing be coming across in my work. I might be doing the work, but am I doing it well? Should I be doing it at all?

I have been wondering lately if I should just try to sell all my websites and spend the next few months concentrating on my real passion, writing a novel and putting back the focus on that dream, my real passion, the thing I truly love to do, the only thing I really get excited about doing when I have the freedom to do it exclusively. In fact, I had gotten up one day not so long ago with a decision made to do just that, but then, as I prepared the first site to put up for sale, I realized how much work I have put into developing it and the other sites I would be trying to sell. The idea of giving them up started to feel not quite right, like I would be quitting on myself, conceding defeat. Maybe I’m not looking at it the right way. The reality is, I’m not making any money from these websites but I’m putting in upwards of 16 hours per day developing and maintaining them. It’s arguable that I’m just wasting my time every day that I get up and spend time on these websites.

If I sold the websites I would be able to put some money in the bank to keep me going while I write my book, assuming I would get the kind of offers for them I would expect; but what after the money runs out and I haven’t finished the book, or I’ve finished the book but no one’s interested in publishing it? What do I do then? I’m in an uncertain situation either way, but at least with the websites the odds are better than with book that I can make money. It’s a nice fantasy though, to be able to get up every day for the purpose of writing my novel, not to have any other distractions.